Living in the In-Between

When I was granted a scholarship to study in the Netherlands, I was overwhelmed with joy. It felt like a dream coming true. For a long time, I had believed that studying in Europe would open many opportunities.

Back home in Kenya, I had heard many stories about the possibilities that existed there, especially in the Netherlands. Being selected for a master’s program made me feel that my future was finally within reach.

I believed that after completing my master’s degree, becoming a PhD student would also be possible.

However, after about six months, things started to change. I began to feel increasingly depressed not because I missed my family or friends, but because I felt I did not belong.

Some classmates would make fun of my accent. They would say they couldn’t understand what I was saying and ask me to repeat myself again and again. At times, it felt humiliating.

Eventually, it became even harder during group discussions. There were moments when no one wanted me in their group.

“I felt lost and embarrassed.”

The experience made me question my place in that environment and whether I truly belonged there.

At one point, I travelled back to Kenya to visit my family. Being home felt comforting at first. But after about two weeks, one of my siblings asked me a simple question:

“When are you going back home?”

They meant the Netherlands.

At that moment, I felt both sad and confused. I thought I was already home, surrounded by my family. But I realized something had changed.

I was no longer fully part of the place I came from, and at the same time, I did not feel that I belonged in the place I had moved to.

I call that space the in-between.

“I thought I was home with my family, but then I realized I wasn’t really accepted anymore at the place I came from and I didn’t fit in at my place of destination either.”

I believe this feeling is part of the story of many migrants.

“Our lives exist in the in-between.”